


regrets

by teddygirl105



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-14 12:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19273285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddygirl105/pseuds/teddygirl105
Summary: Jaehyun wishes that he could go back in time and fix everything. To prevent the regret piled up within him that he knows won't ever disappear.That he was back with Kevin.





	regrets

It had been over a year since Jaehyun and Kevin broke up.

Their relationship was… different. It was short, very, very short. Three days. They only dated for three days. But to Jaehyun, those three days were his paradise.

He felt loved. The constant attention from Kevin, chatting with him whenever they could, seeing the hearts they sent to each other on his phone screen. They all made his heart flutter.

But as soon as the relationship started, Jaehyun began to doubt. Was this really the right choice? Was he ready to commit to a relationship? Hell, was he sure that he was gay?

Kevin was his first relationship. Everything felt too new.

Due to going to different schools, they couldn’t see each other as often as they wanted to, but their dance group was the one thing that allowed them to meet and was how they first met each other.

It was so… sudden, as well. The night they finished a performance, Jaehyun arrived home to a message from Kevin on Instagram. They had never talked outside of their dance group, and already he could feel that something bad was going to happen.

Kevin confessing that he had liked Jaehyun wasn’t exactly bad, but it made him feel weird. He was giddy, his heart beating so hard as a smile constantly on his face. He didn’t know how to respond, but it was only then that he realized that maybe he did have feelings for Kevin.

The next morning, they became boyfriends.

Three days later, they broke up and became just friends again.

Despite being happy, Jaehyun didn’t want to lie to Kevin. He didn’t feel comfortable anymore. The sudden change was too much for him to handle, and talking to Kevin everyday suddenly seemed like too much.

He told Kevin that he was still struggling with his sexual orientation and asked for some time. He agreed and they took a step back.

He was still lying.

It was a lie. It was all just a lie. Jaehyun wasn’t “struggling with his sexual orientation.”

He was scared.

Jaehyun never thought of himself as someone who would be loved, who would be in a relationship. He always joked with his friends that he would be the last one to find someone he loved and be in a committed, long lasting relationship. (He ended up being the first, ironically.)

Being in a relationship was so foreign to him, he wasn’t sure if things would turn out well. Jaehyun knew that Kevin had only seen one side of him, the side that he showed to his group. He didn’t know how he was outside of the studio.

Would Kevin even like him if he knew how Jaehyun really was? What if Kevin ended up being one of those people who dated for a few months before throwing their partner away?

He told himself that it was for the better. That he would be happier not having to constantly doubt himself in their relationship.

It wasn’t better.

Jaehyun still loved Kevin. Every time he saw him smile, he couldn’t help but fall in love once more. Their little talks during practice would make his heart ache, because seeing him smile only made him fall in love once again.

Many months after their breakup, they began texting each other again, as if their whole dating spiel had never happened. Each conversation always had the hint of awkwardness, but it was covered up easily by the both of them.

Jaehyun had always wondered what it would be like if they hadn’t broken up. How long would their relationship have lasted? Maybe it would still be ongoing at this time. Maybe they ended up breaking up anyways.

Their very short relationship was a bit of a little joke between their dance group and friends. They’d refer to it constantly whenever talking about celebrities they took a liking to, and while Jaehyun would laugh with them, inside he desperately wished that they would move onto another topic. He didn’t like talking about it. It only made him regret more.

There were times when Jaehyun would stare at Kevin’s profile picture on his Instagram dms, wondering if he would ever tell him the truth. If Kevin would accept the fact that Jaehyun was just scared.

He wanted to so badly. Even if Kevin had moved on from him already, it would ease his heart by telling the truth.

But Jaehyun was scared.

So he decided to never tell Kevin and live with his regrets alone.

It hurt so, so much. But just the thought of telling him the truth made it feel like there were thorns in his throat and flowers growing in his lungs. Every single god damn time Jaehyun thought about Kevin, he only lapsed back into his regret.

 

No one would ever know the truth. He’d die with it.

**Author's Note:**

> so part of this fic is based on personal experiences but it's up to y'all to decide which parts they are heehee
> 
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> [ twitter](https://twitter.com/teddygirl105)   
>  [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/teddygirl05)


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